Let’s talk about movies.
I’m not a professional movie critic. I’m not a film student, nor am I a writer. Lord knows I can barely figure out where to put commas. (I kind of just insert them wherever I take a mental breath).
So what am I? Why have I started to make a blog about movies? Because I’m that annoying commentator that won’t stop talking during the damn movie. It takes a special person to see a movie with me… one with a lot of patience. I suppose I can understand. It’s hard to get lost in your little fantasy bubble when the person next to you is groaning about the cheeeee-zeeee scene going on in front of your face. And trust me…. Thanks to one of my best friends I’ve had the opportunity to make lots of commentary on some pretty damn sappy movies. But I love her so I watch them. Just like I love my boyfriend, so I watch those movies I refer to as “the dumb guy movies”. Call me sexist, but you know it’s the truth. Lots of fake boobs, dirty jokes, and usually something explodes. For example, the entire Fast and Furious franchise (R.I.P. Paul Walker).
So what kind of movies do I like? Well I actually like a huge variety of films, independent or Hollywood films alike. And I do kind of like it when things explode. I just could do without all the fake boobs. I can even handle the right kind of sap…..
That little pause was so that I could put my hand on my heart and quote Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.
Kierra Knightly has a “less is more” type of approach towards acting, but I think that in this movie, it works for her. Gives the viewers time to enjoy the landscape, classical music… and Mr. Darby’s eyes. That’s a sappy combination that will bring me into my fantasy bubble.
But let’s get back on track here. I am wanting to a review a movie with you guys, but not Pride and Prejudice. Today I grabbed my boyfriend from work and we went to an AMC theater. (Hello leather reclining chairs and free soda refills… not to mention the bar). I had seen a trailer for The 5th Wave and because End-of-the-World movies are my favorite I chose to ignore the fact that it was starring Chloe Grace Moretz. Now considering I’m based in Atlanta, and she’s from Atlanta… I’m going to try and cut her some slack. For those of you who are unsure of who she is, she played Carrie in the 2013 remake of …Carrie. She wasn’t my favorite in that movie… but hey she’s young and still has some growing up to do. I won’t give up on her yet. She is from the big ATL after all.
Cute isn’t she?
And heads up guys…there are spoilers down below. SPOILER ALERT
The movie opened up with our cute little Carrie… I mean Chloe. Actually she’s Cassie in this movie (I guess she’s just a C-name kind of girl)…..anyways… the movie opened up with Cassie shooting an innocent man. This looked promising. But as movies typically do, they had to go and give the back story as to how she came to be in that predicament……..
…… This is supposedly done through the narration of her journal that she keeps… Even while on the run for her life. That’s some dedication to My Little Diary if you ask me.
Well the back story was “I was just a normal teenager… drinking beer at raging parties with my awkward crush on this super cool teenage guy… but because I’m a good girl I got home by curfew and in time to sing my brother a bedtime lullaby, but then these damn aliens came and just messed everything up.”
First of all…. Why do filmmakers keep insisting that high school kids have the resources and locations to have these totally awesome keg parties in some mansion? Did I miss something in my teenage years? I don’t remember the overflow of beer or lack of parental guidance. And why would she go sing lullabies to her little brother afterwards? Maybe she thought her beer breath would knock him right out.
For me, it was a blessing when “the others” invaded. At least I didn’t have to watch any more awkward encounters between her and her little crush.
So this family stays in their little Ohio town, regardless of the big and scary alien ship looming over their house. They continue going to work and school, even while they’re neighbors start fleeing their homes…. Would you stay underneath that thing? What have alien movies taught us??? Hello! They like to send down little light beams that suck you up into their ship where they perform all sorts of tortuous tests on you. So that didn’t actually happen in the movie, but still…would you have stayed under it?
So while she’s in school the first wave hits, cutting off all electrical objects. (Thankfully this includes her cell phone, which she was using to text with her best friend… about her awkward crush). Finally something cool happens, because let’s face it… nothing cool has happened since the first scene when she killed the guy. Right outside her classroom window, cars crash and an airplane dives to the ground and goes boom. Too bad I already saw that part in the trailer!
Second wave hits: Earthquakes and floods. Also in the trailer.
Third wave: Bird flu. Bird flu? I guess without out technology we don’t know how to take care of people anymore, so that wiped out tons of people…including her mom. (I did get a little teary eyed on that part). Sooo…. Finally her dad thinks “Hey…maybe we should go somewhere else?” This is where they go to a little refugee camp with fresh water and …you know survival stuff. But then the Army rolls in on their hummers and big yellow school buses (cause they’re immune to the electromagnetic field). Immediately children and parents are separated (who didn’t see this one coming?). Apparently the 4th wave has hit…”the others” are now possessing humans… and for some unexplained reason it’s easier for the army to identify alien children rather than alien adults.
While they’re on a school bus, about to be transported, the little brother realizes he has forgotten his teddy bear that he absolutely must have, so big sister leaves him on the bus and runs to get it. Do I really need to tell you guys that the buses chose that minute to roll out? I mean for real? We have to endure a little mind-numbing… I mean…. “Heartbreaking moment” between brother and sister being separated, calling out for each other. I love my little brother but I’m pretty sure I’d tell him is was SOL and he’d have to live without the teddy bear. So now we’ve come to the main agenda of the plot: Big sister has to get little brother back.
Oooh lets rewind for a second…what happened to Dad? Well he was executed by the Army. (Do ya’ll see the plot twist coming up?? Because I’d figured it out at this point). The director tried to conceal it with their tricks they use to hide twists, but this one was pretty transparent.
The dad dying did bring another tear to my other eye, but at the same time she was finally on her own. She was no longer just surviving because she had her mission. Time to toughen up and become a bad-ass right? RIGHT?
So she spends some time wandering around the woods. Then she finds a gas station where … oh yeah remember that guy she shot in the beginning that made her look badass? That’s where he came in. So after that turns-out-not-to-be-so-badass-after-all-scene, she goes and gets herself shot in the leg and passes out. But to her credit, I’d probably pass out too.
Unlike her, I wouldn’t have the luck to wake up to some hunky dude doctoring me and seeming to want nothing more in his life than to take care of me. Hello…. Evan.
……Pausing here to find a shirtless picture……
Well guys, guess you’re going to have to watch the movie… Why has no one posted a shirtless picture of Evan (aka Alex Roe) on google yet? Help a girl out. But well… shallow of me to say, I’ll probably watch it again just so I can look at him.
Here is his pretty face…
Regardless of the fact he’s chosen to heal her and not kill her, the crazy girl develops a hostile attitude towards him. I mean, would you whip out your inner shrew on the good looking thing that’s taking care of you? Then he goes all Edward on her. (Twilight reference…right…there.) In Edward’s case he was all goo goo for Bella regardless of her lack of personality. Evan just goes goo goo over Cassie, regardless of her need to make everything more difficult for him. And, as you find out in the end of the movie, he had that stalker inclination just like Edward… and lets just say SUPER SPOILER ALERT COMING UP…..
Don’t blame me if you don’t turn back…..
Giving you some more space to make up your mind, but I’m pretty sure you’ll keep reading at this point…
Evan, like Edward, isn’t all together “human”. Surprise! (Because no one was questioning the super strength, and fast reflexes he had right?)
So… let me catch you guys up. Evan follows Cassie on her quest to save her brother regardless of the fact she was strongly against it. I guess it was the end of the world so he didn’t have anything better to do. And guess what? Now she didn’t have to become some bad ass chick that kicked butt, because she’s got the hot hunky man that kisses her socks off AND does all of her butt kicking for her… in a controlling Edward kind of way, that is. Her only job now is to have long, awkward scenes with him that I think were meant to be sexual and romantic. Maybe. (My eyes still hurt from all of their rolling action during these scenes) At least she finally wises up and gives him a big smack-a-roo before she sends him on his way, cause hey… he’s kind of alien after all. (But he still follllowwws heeeeeeer……)
The only reprieve from these awkward scenes is when it shows the going-ons of the kids at the Army camp being brainwashed into little “alien hunting” soldiers. And by some weird “coincidence” her little brother and her old crush, who is now the hard ass nicknamed “Zombie”, happen to be in the same squadron.
And the plot quickly unfolds from there. Edward…I mean Evan…. makes another appearance to show that he’s saving everyone, declare is undying love for Cassie, kiss her socks off again, and disappears to continue saving them all. Cause it totally works like that.
Then we get a little cliff hanger at the end so we know that they are making room for a second movie. Just please…please don’t make this another weird teenage love triangle. If I have to choose between Team Evan and Team Zombie, I’m going to be ashamed of my shallow, muscle-based, choice.
So how do I rate this movie?
Three stars!! Our lead heroine needs to toughen her little-non-existent butt up, and they really have to work on their sexual chemistry. But overall the plot was a good one and the cliff hanger has me wanting to see the next one. Probably won’t pay to see the second one in the fancy AMC theater, but I’ll keep an eye out for it in the dollar theater. Or better yet… my TV. Come on Chloe! You drove me nuts but I’m rooting for you. Oh and please make more things explode in the next one. Thank you.
I’m off to see if there is a Kindle version of the book now…